Eating Egg Salad & Other Things You Should Never Do On A Plane
Flying these days pretty much sucks. First off, the airlines ring up every little charge imaginable. $30 for checked luggage is the biggest crock of &^!@ on the planet. I'm flying...do you expect me to NOT bring luggage?! Imagine showing up at a restaurant and they started charging you for plates and silverware? Before you board you have to dump your life into a plastic bin (laptops go directly on the belt of course) and then get practically naked and checked for lice. Most times wi-fi is an extra charge, heaven's forbid you ask for a blanket, and you have about as much leg room as you get when trying to squeeze into your 6-year-olds desk at school. With that being said, you really can't afford not to fly anywhere these days. If you want to make the most out of your time, driving is not an option. So, here we are.
As a courtesy to fellow travelers who, like me, are pretty miserable before the aircraft even takes off, here are few things that we as humans can do to make flying a more pleasurable experience. I'm not always a glass-half-empty kind of guy but flying brings out the pessimist in most of us. Don't believe me, ask for a Diet Coke. See if you get the full can!
The skies might be friendly, but most passengers aren't...so:
- Don't be the person that talks for the entire flight. Chit-chat is NOT an option after the first 10 minutes. Just pretend that our flight is a 3-hour long elevator ride and stare at the floor, pop in your earbuds or read a book. Uncomfortable silence is quite comfortable after about 3 minutes. Embrace it.
- Don't just assume the arm rest is yours. If you claim it early on on the flight, back off with your pointy elbows and forearms about midway through the flight and see if the other person would like an extra half inch to stretch out. If they opt out, have it Popeye.
- Being a decent human being means your shoes stay ON.
- Please close the window if there isn't anything out there to see. Some of us want to sleep and don't care to look at clouds.
- And never EVERRR bring an egg salad sandwich on a plane.