OK,  so I'm a failure.  It wasn't a new years resolution, but last Sunday morning I haphazardly announced to myself that I'm quitting smoking.  Three very hard days later I gave in and bought a pack of cigarettes.  Why?  I don't know. ( because you love them, you don't really want to quit and you know it)  I could give you a million reasons and  justifications but I guess it boils down to giving into an addiction that is very hard to beat.  ( not hard, impossible)

Its at this point you just want to give in.  Your brain starts to tell you , "Hey your a smoker and you always will be, stop fighting it."   Clearly because its your brain that is really addicted to the drug in the first place.  ( that's right and think about it, I'm your brain, you can't outsmart me!)  So it's when your in this state, weakened and feeling helpless that you want to quit quitting. (why put yourself through this, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow)  You start to doubt your ability to control your own life.  You actually start thinking it's better to just give into the addiction than to fight and constantly lose.  It's so embarrassing when your friends and family know your trying to quit and you just give in so easy.  Who wants to feel like a loser every time you fail to kick the habit for good?  What difference does it make anyway?  Stop driving yourself crazy, smoke 'em if you got 'em.  ( Ahhh, yeah , I knew I 'd get what I need)

So for a while I just felt terrible, like a failure.  If there's one thing I hate , its not having control.  And clearly I do not have control over nicotine. (that's right, but it's OK it feels good)  The really strange thing is, I have quit before.  Not too terribly long ago I quit for years.  So I know I can do it.  What I failed to remember is that before that time, there were many many failed attempts.  What made the difference?  I really don't know.  Its like they say , even a blind squirrel find a nut from time to time. (that's right it was dumb luck, no need to try again.)

 And that's when I realized that I cant stop trying.  NO matter how many times it takes, you just cant quit, quitting.  ( sure you can, we work well together) So I will try again, and again, and if I need to , again.  I wont be concerned with how embarrassing it is to have everyone watch me fail. ( but they are laughing at you)  They are only seeing one stage in a long battle, one battle in a long war.  A war that I know I can win, I will win.  ( Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.)   Well, I don't know how it will turn out but I know I wont quit.  I wont quit quitting.

Every rule is made a rule by its exception and this is the exception to the rule, quitters never win.  I will quit. I will win.  ((mocking laughter))