You know it's a slow news day when you have to resort to THIS subject, but it actually was trending, believe it or not.  It cried out for a song to go with it.
Hey - don't blame me on this one.  Sean had found a story about the prevalence of poop on almost everything we come in contact with.  It's absolutely disgusting, to say the least.   Just to check the validity of his information, I looked it up myself on  I'll be damned if he isn't right.  It's everywhere.   It's here...

Scott Olson/Getty Images

Everywhere inside here

Getty Images

And OMG - it's even on here!

Richie Phillips

And other places too, which I will now explain by parodying Dierks Bentley's "Drunk On A Plane"  (Lyrics to follow) 


I hate to be this way I hate to be a cynic
but there is nothing in this world left that's hygienic
the more I read the more I wanna wear some hospital gloves
everywhere that I go
I look for everything my eyes are like an eagle
cuz everywhere I hear there's remnants that are fecal
if you knew what I know I'm sure that it would drive you insane
there's even poop on your plane
it's on your toothbrush
tell your daughter
float in in your holy water
on your keyboard on your money in your soda fountain
in your drink don't order lemons
keep your mouth shut when your swimming
do not touch your phone or your window pane
there's even poop on your plane
next time I'm taking a train
god knows there's poop on a train