You know what I hate?! I hate that customer service is a huge hassle! Do you think I don’t know you make it tough in hopes I’ll give up and go away? Well I will not!

   To get satisfaction now a day you have to get past 4 trials.

You can listen here or read my manifesto below.

  Trial 1 “The Search”

The search is finding the phone number to customer service. Most websites hide the number so well you need “Indiana Jones” and a team of tracker dogs to find it. Keep looking it’s there just hidden. Don’t settle for email they will just ignore you or send an auto generated response.

 Trial 2 “Rise of the machines”

In this trial you come ear to phone against a computer operator that speaks kindly and delays your progress. This is a phone tree that is designed to annoy you until you quit. “If you’d like this message in Spanish please press 1.” If I speak in Spanish will actually be helpful? The long and the short of this step is figure out what word, phrase or number will make the computer voice forward you to a human.

  Trial 3 “The Middle Man”

Here is when you feel accomplished because you hear a “human” voice on the phone. Sadly this person’s only job is to politely sound stupid and tell you how your issue is your fault and they can’t help you. Don’t give up though you are SO CLOSE! Insist on speaking to a supervisor.

  Trial 4 “The Fixer”

In most battles with the dreaded customer service this is where the day is won! The trick here is to keep your cool stay on message and point out how long you’ve been a customer, how much you’ve spent and how willing you are to stop doing both. 9 times out of 10 this person will find a solution that makes you less angry and maybe even happy.

 Good luck and God speed my fellow consumers!!!

After I did this "View From The Couch" Richie let me in on a secret. There's a website called it's a full listing of phone numbers from all kinds of companies that will get a person on the line.