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How Do I Forgive My Significant Other’s Mother Hurtful Behavior? – Daily Dilemma

Here is Today’s Daily Dilemma:

flickr User, Son of Groucho

Hi~ have been wanting to write to you about this since it happened in early March. My significant other and I started house shopping in January. His mom was happy about us taking this step and since she had helped his brother years ago with the down payment for his house, she offered us the same so that our mortgage could be less. She decided to visit from Florida to help us make the decision when we had it narrowed down to about 3 places. She was also worried that we’d be taken advantage of since we really didn’t have a clue as to what we were doing, though we were learning.

We found that perfect place and had the search narrowed to 2 places. The first one, she found lots of fault with. The second was perfect and a great value. We decided we would like that one. We went for another look with her and the real estate agent we had been working with. She asked to speak with him privately. She, my s/o and he spoke while my daughter and I looked at the house more. When we all came together again I asked a few questions..such as how low should we offer without being insulting…and such. At this point, she piped up with, “A price had been decided upon”. Since I was also going to be a part of this and my credit and income was considered when being approved I asked how much and was then told that she could not discuss it as she first had to speak with her accountant and lawyer etc…she had to “protect her investment”. I asked whose house was it going to be….to which she told me it was going to be hers and her son’s.

Well, the only thing that saved her at that point was the fact the real estate agent was there and the fact that her son, my s/o of 10 years managed to convey the message to me without her hearing that he was not going to take her money with conditions and strings attached. We did have a few words over this in the car as we left where she tried to tell me it was for my protection and that she wanted “Survivorship Rights”….which I found out would make her owner of the house should anything happen to her son.

I managed to drive her to the airport the next day still seething all the way and she left with hugs and kisses and acted as though nothing had happened. My s/o did tell her that he was not going to take the money because he didn’t want to impose on her and she told him she shouldn’t have butted in. Never an apology to me the one who actually got the knife in the back.

Now…my dilemma is, come November, she will expect to come here….and for me to cook for her, and welcome her with open arms as though she didn’t try to steal my house out from underneath me! I want to kind of say….we’re not going to be here this year….or just me leave for those few days and let her son cook a turkey pot pie in a toaster oven for Thanksgiving. I guess I need some advice on how to handle possibly being with her again after all of this. I did send her an email which told her that she disrespected me and my contribution to this place and my place in his life as her son’s girlfriend. No response. I hate when something like this happens and gets ignored as though nothing ever went awry. Some people say “let it go” or “forgive her”. Any suggestions?

The “Daily Dilemma” on the Sean and Richie Show is featured every weekday morning at 6:40am. We and the listeners take on someone’s problems and try to offer different perspectives. Now, these don’t have to be huge problems- it could just be something bothering you or a friend, or it could be some little thing you and another just can’t agree on. If you have a dilemma to share we’d love to hear it just e-mail us here at the show.

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