Brut Force

This is Jake Thomas and even though we love him it's time for some tough love. JAKE YOU WEAR WAY TOO MUCH BRUT!!! He walked out of his office this morning and instantly there wasn't a dry eye in the building. Police are considering using Jake instead of tear gas to calm riots. Remember the scene in "Anchorman" where the cologne caused everyone to run for their lives? THAT'S JAKE LATELY!!! I'm not sure if he uses Brut the way a skunk uses it's spray to ward off predators or if a lifetime of booze and sleepless nights has destroyed his sense of smell. All I do know is My eyes are watering, my nose stings and I can taste Brut....Not a good taste by the way. Jake smells like a bus full of old people and Jersey Shore extras exploded out front. Love you buddy. Please tone it down to a bottle or 2 a day.