15 Dysfunctional Things Guaranteed At My Thanksgiving
When my family gets together for Thanksgiving, it's usually a s**t show and I love it. That's what makes us truly, well...special. Maybe your family does some of the same dysfunctional things mine does, but I doubt it. Enjoy
Let it be known that I wouldn't trade my tribe for anybody else's. In fact, I really do love the dysfunction, even though:
- My father will go on and on about how great of a job Trump is doing especially "for the Jews"
- My brother-in-law will fill his plate with 4 lbs of food...maybe 8.
- I'll turn into a brat and argue with my sister about how the start of dinner coincides with the kickoff of the Cowboy football game. Pretty sure she does it on purpose.
- My nephew Nick will try to tell me that the Bills are going to win the division this year and make the playoffs. Even though he wasn't alive the last time they made the playoffs.
- My mom will obsessively play slot machine games on her cell phone.
- I'll turn into a brat when I have to carve the turkey even though it's literally the only task I have.
- My dad will simultaneously chew with his mouth open and start a conversation. Usually asking us about our "finances"
- The Cowboys will lose and I'll need to be refrained from throwing a handful of mashed potatoes at the TV.
- We'll attempt to play a family game and not know the proper rules. An arguement will ensue and the game will abruptly end.
- My father (while standin over the dinner table) will eat one piece of pie while cutting out another piece to put on his plate. I'll start losing my mind.
- The gravy will be watery. Mom will attempt to thicken it with a 1/2 lb of flour to the desired thickness of drying cement.
- My niece Lexi will dye her hair a bright pastel color and explain to us that "by this time tomorrow, it won't be a bright sea green." Oh ok
- My niece Lexi and or my nephew Zach will invite a friend over who has odd face piercings. No one can mention it.
- My dad will begin eating before everyone gets served. I'll call him out on it. My mom will use this an opportunity to talk about for 40 plus years she's been "putting up with his bullsh*t!"
- We'll eat, we'll laugh, we'll bond, we'll love. This is our family. Through the arguments, the dysfunction and the loud chewing, none of us would change it for anything in the world.
HAPPY T-GIVING FROM MY DYSFUNCTINAL FAMILY, TO YOURS!!